The main idea of The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is that everyone has a preferred way to give and receive love, both romantic and platonic love, with others.
These different ways to show love can be simplified to “The Five Love Languages”. By understanding your love language preferences and that of those closest to you, you can better tailor your messages of affection to those around you, and they can better tailor their love for you.
The Five Love Languages
Chapman has this quiz you can take to see which Love Language most resonates with you. The five love languages are as follows:
- Words of Affirmation: using words to build up the other person
- Acts of Service: doing something for someone else you know they would like.
- Receiving Gifts: a gift that says, “I am thinking of you.”
- Quality Time: giving the person your undivided attention.
- Physical Touch: any form of physical touch that is comforting (romantic and non-romantic)
Photo by Naassom Azevedo on Unsplash
How to Use the 5 Love Languages in Your Relationships
Work at Your Relationship
A study looking at 4,000 couples showed that couples who are high in conscientiousness are the most satisfied with their marriage. Conscientiousness is a trait associated with working diligently and getting your work done completely. Even if you do not score highly on this normally, you can still give everything you have to the relationship. When you decide to commit to your partner, commit all the way.
See this guide on how to have a long-lasting relationship!
Empathize
Another study investigated empathy in relationships. Couples who demonstrated the ability to see situations from their partner’s perspective were better able to comfort their partner when their partner was distressed. People respond to stress differently, some people want to be held and others want to be left alone. It was the couples who knew how the other person wanted to be comforted who reported the highest levels of satisfaction in their relationship.
When stressful situations arise for your partner, act how they want to be comforted, not how you think they should be.
Communicate
The ideas in this book are great, however, they will not help if there is no communication. Taking the quiz together is a great start! If you are unsure, ask your partner how they would like your help. A question that I like to ask is, “what is one thing I can do today to make your day better?”
Let the person walk you through how they would like help, actively listen to them, and continue to implement actions that you know they will appreciate.
Main Take-Aways
- By taking the 5 Love Languages quiz you can understand how you and your partner best like to be shown, love.
- It takes committing, emphasizing, and communicating to make what you learn actionably.
Action Items
Take the quiz for yourself. What did you learn? Talk about the results with your partner and see how you can implement more of your love language each day this week.
