What Makes a Good Life

How do you invest in your happiness and live a good life? A research study that started in 1938 seeks to answer that question.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

The Harvard Study of Adult Development sought out to answer the question, “if you were going to invest in yourself for the long-term, what should you focus on?”.

The Harvard researchers set out to answer this question by gathering a group of teenagers in 1938 from two social groups, half were Sophomores attending Harvard (one of which was John F Kennedy), and the other were boys from some of Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. The researchers then tracked these 724 men for their whole lives, continuing to today, 82 years later. The researchers analyzed all aspects of these men’s lives every two years. They measured their wealth, their career, physical health, their habits, their family life, and how they spent their time. What the researchers found is that there is one key indicator of what consistently leads to a happier life.

Researchers found having healthy relationships leads to a happier life.

What Doesn’t Make us Happier

When asked for life goals, 80% of people cite getting rich as a major life goal. Others want to be famous, and most people strive for high achievement. These are all noble goals that can make a fulfilling life, but as a source of happiness, these goals might not be the best. Learn 5 things that really make you happy here!

Across the men who were in this study; wealth and career had some impact on life satisfaction. However, there was one even more vital aspect that leads to a long, happy, and fulfilling life.

Relationships Are a Key to Lasting Happiness

It seems pedestrian. But, the Harvard Study of Adult Development shows that of the 724 men who were studied for six decades, the ones with the strongest relationships throughout their lives were also the most consistently happy and healthy. Having strong relationships does not mean that every relationship in their life is perfect. It came down to having quality people in their life that they could count on.

Lessons Learned From The Study

1. Social connections are good for us and loneliness kills

Those who were more connected in their life with family, friends, and their communities reported higher levels of happiness. They also were in physically better shape and were living longer than those who reported feeling lonely. Those who were lonely saw their physical health decline faster, and they passed away sooner than those who were living a life connected to those around them.

2. It is not the number of connections, but the quality of the relationship that matters

“Warm relationships matter,” says Robert Waldinger, the fourth director of this study. By warm relationships, he means the ones where the person can count on the other and genuinely knows the other person cares for them. Connections like these can even help heal physical pain. However, relationships that do not have this sense of trust makes problems worse. Those in unhappy relationships report feeling more physical pain and were not as happy overall.

3. Good relationships protect the brain

When the participants reached the age of eighty, those with healthy and warm relationships had stronger memories of both the past and current events. It seems that by keeping their relationships and openly communicating with their spouse, children, grandchildren, and community, the participants were able to keep their minds sharp.

How to make this study actionable

Relationships improve our life satisfaction and physical health throughout our entire lives. How can we better cultivate meaningful relationships? Some possible ways are to:

• Reach out to someone you lost touch with: is there a family member or friend from high school you haven’t talked to in years? Make some time this week and give them a call to check-in and see how they are doing.
• Check-in with your immediate friends and family: those who we see weekly are often the most important in our lives. However, because we see them so much, it can be easy to miss what is happening in their lives. We tend to take them for granted because of the hedonic treadmill and can forget to check-in with them as well. Make some time this week to ask how they are doing and what they are currently excited about.

• Do something different: With this same group of family or friends, go do something out of the norm. It can be as small as trying a new restaurant or going on a weekend trip. Find an unfamiliar experience and environment to bond with those closest to you.
• Join a community group: find new friends and social connections by volunteering for a cause you believe in or going to a hobby meet-up group.

• Connect with strangers: even though this will not usually build towards long-lasting, lifetime relationships, chat-up people you see in your day to day life. Talk to some of the commuters on public transport, the regulars at the gym, or even the local barista. Having these daily connections can fill the day to day routine with friendly faces and a quick person to talk to, which can boost overall happiness for all parties involved.

Main Take-Aways

To live a longer and healthier life, we need to invest in building genuine relationships.

Action item

Do something different with those in your life this week. It can be big or small. Enjoy the new bonding experience and see how it goes. Continue to work on building warm connections in your life.