Active listening will help you communicate more effectively. Mostly, because the “standard” way of listening isn’t very effective.
In the research from Edgar Dale’s Cone of Experience, people only remember between 25%-50% of what we hear. That means when you have a 10-minute conversation, typically only 5 minutes (at most) is paid attention to at the moment.
To help not only remember more but to also dive into life experiences more, it helps to develop active listening.
Definition of Active Listening
“The goal of active listening is to develop a clear understanding of the speaker’s concern and also to communicate the listener’s interest in the speaker’s message.”
Sandra E. Spatarp & Janel Bloch
I prefer this definition of active listening because it highlights the two goals of active listening:
- Clearly understanding what the speaker is saying
- Communicate that you understand and share their interest back with the speaker
All active listening is these two goals, but it is hard to do.
Three Elements of Active Listening
To better break-down these twin goals, active communication involves three important aspects for the listener.
- The Listener’s Nonverbal involvement, indicating full attention
- The listener’s reflecting back the speaker’s message to the speaker
- The listener questioning the speaker to encourage elaboration and further details
Then when step 3 is complete, the cycle continues again to step one. Over and over this cycle repeats and active listening is achieved.
Active listening requires full-attention and a lot of effort on the listener’s part. Sometimes it begs the question, why even do active listening in the first place?
Benefits of Active Listening
To study active listening, undergraduate students were randomly told to talk about an upsetting problem to either a trained active listener or an untrained listener.
The active listeners were trained to ask open questions, paraphrase content, reflect feelings, and use assumption checking as well as be nonverbally immediate (making eye contact, nodding their head, etc.).
The findings showed that students felt more emotional awareness and emotional comfort from the active listener’s nonverbal behavior than those who were not trained.
Further, the active listeners did not have a greater perceived degree of problem-solving aptitude than those who were not trained as reported by the undergraduate students.
However, when it came to generating solutions, those who practiced active listening were more likely to provide a solution that the students were willing to attempt. Mostly because the active listeners got to the root of the problem.
Overall, for the one who is active listening they:
- Demonstrate greater empathy and understanding for the other person
- Experience increased comprehension of the message
- Can provide a solution that gets to the root of the problem
For the Speaker:
- The person feels more connected to the listener
- Feels respected and listened too
- Has a higher chance of their issue being solved
Active listening benefits all of the parties involved!
Also, continually practicing helps to improve long-term relationships and helps improve overall communication in the relationship!
How to Active Listen
Active listening can be a tough skill to develop because it requires a cognitive activity (understanding the message) and a behavioral activity (listening and demonstrating you are listening).
The best way to learn is to internalize it through understanding active listening and practice.
1. Pay Attention
Give the speaker your undivided attention, and acknowledge what they are saying. Try your best to stay in the moment. To help:
- Look directly at the speaker
- Avoid being distracted by environmental factors like side conversations or the TV
- Put aside mentally distracting thoughts.
2. Show that You are Listening
Use your body language to show you are engaged
- Nod occasionally
- Smile and use other facial expressions
- Encourage the speaker with verbal comments like “yes” or “uh-huh”
3 Provide Feedback
Our filters, assumptions, and beliefs can distort what we hear. To understand what is being said, you can reflect and ask questions.
You can say, “what I am hearing is…” and “sounds like you are saying…” to demonstrate what you have taken from the conversation and check your understanding.
When a moment of confusion arises, ask questions to clarify certain points. For example, “what do you mean when you say …?”
4. Defer Judgment
Interrupting isn’t helpful when active listening.
- Allow the speaker to finish each point before asking questions.
- Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.
5. Respond Appropriately
Active listening is designed to encourage respect and understanding.
- Be candid, and open with your response.
- Assert your opinions respectfully.
Main Take-Aways
- Active Listening requires the listener to understand the message and signal to the speaker that they are on the same page.
- By practicing active listening, the speaker and listener come to a greater understanding and appreciation of what is being communicated.
Action item
Make a reminder to practice active listening for the next three days. When talking with friends, your spouse, colleagues, or anyone, try to focus on what they are saying and practice the techniques here. See how your comprehension and understanding increases.
