Asking yourself “what do I want in life?” is a tremendous first step to building your ideal life. Often, we are asked (and ask each other) questions that relate more to tangible goals. What career do you want? Where do you want to go to school? Where do you want to live?
Don’t get me wrong, I am a big proponent of working your dream job, living where you want, and achieving all your ambitions. However, I am a bigger proponent of making sure that you are living and working towards a life that is meaningful to you.
By taking the time, which might take months, to reflect on what you truly want from life, you will set a foundation that will make other decisions easier and get you working towards your goal.
In part, it is about figuring out how to find your own personal ideal life.
Why do we Need to Answer the Question: What do I Want in Life?
1. Life doesn’t have to be short
From the beginning of times, people seemed to complain. Lamenting life was too short. However, the ancient philosophers in the early ADs noticed that most of the population wasted their lives.
“It is not that we have so little time but that we lose so much … The life we receive is not short, but we make it so; we are not ill provided but use what we have wastefully.”
Lucius Annaeus Seneca, On the Shortness of Life
If we focus on living the life we want – we will find we have enough time to make it truly meaningful.
2. Living Your Purpose Makes You More Engaged
Workplaces are always trying to figure out how to get and keep employees engaged. Studies have found that when employees have an impact, have some autonomy to make decisions, believe in the work they are doing, feel appreciated, and are given challenging growth opportunities – they are happier, more engaged, and committed to their work.
We can apply the same logic in our own lives. When we get home and watch Netflix – it’s an easy way to relax and veg out. However, if we truly want to engage with life – what can we add activities to our weeknights that challenge us and gets us engaged.
That might mean volunteering one night, learning to paint during another night, and brainstorming side hustles on the third. That still leaves two nights during the week to veg out, but with the other three, we could be working on finding meaning and challenging purpose in our daily lives!
3. Living Your Authentic Life Helps You Find Daily Joy
“The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.” ―
Terry Orlick
We often think that when we hit a goal like landing a big promotion or getting into our dream school, it will lead to a permanent state of euphoria. However, that isn’t the case.
Harvard had to start sending letters to their anxiety-filled Freshman classes about slowing down and enjoying their time at Harvard because, by week two, most freshmen were already showing signs of burnout. Some, more than just one type of the 8 types of burnout.
By working on your goals daily – you will find that heartbeat of daily excellence and joy.
4. Helps you feel more Gratitude
I was in a funk recently, where I sensed nothing was going right, and I was overwhelmed with all my obligations. When I started to write out all my stressors, I realized they were stemming from my underlying goals in life.
I realized that I am living my ideal life currently while working towards my next ideal life. I am on track. These obstacles I am facing are simply the growing pains and trials that make the challenge of developing towards your ideal life a growth experience. These challenges give you something to look back on and say, “wow, I am proud of myself for accomplishing that.”
“What do I Want in Life?” Reflection
Note: I wrote these in a conversational format since that is how I like to do the reflections – thinking as if it was a conversation with myself. If that doesn’t work for you, replace the “yous” with “I” to make it more personal and salient to your situation.
Step 1: Building the Foundation
All these questions revolve around getting to the core of what you value, who you are, and what kind of daily activities you would most enjoy filling your day?
1. Values
- What are your values?
- What do you value?
- Which behaviors drive you insane? Why?
2. Foundations with People
- Who do you wish to spend more time with?
- Who do you admire?
- Whose lifestyle are you jealous of and why?
3. Rediscovering the Past
- What did you most enjoy when you were a child?
- What activities did you most enjoy from before you were 18?
- If you could give your 10-year-old self a piece of advice today, what would it be? Do you need that reminder today?
4. Time
- How much free time do you want?
- If you had all the time in the world, how would you spend your days?
5. Personal development
- What do you love about yourself? What are your strongest characteristics?
- How could you go about practically improving the traits you aren’t a fan of in yourself?
6. Money
- How much money do you need to be happy in life?
- Currently, do you value money or time more?
- If money wasn’t an issue, how would your life change?
7. Joy
- What brings you lasting joy?
- What brings you temporary joy?
- Is there something you did 5+ years ago that still makes you smile to this day?
8. Impact and Legacy
- How do you want to change the world?
- Let’s say you can only change one thing in the world. What would you dedicate your time to?
- Who do you help the most in your life?
- You get to attend your funeral. What is the Eulogist saying?
- You must leave all your wealth to a cause when you pass away, what cause would you donate to?
Step 2: Getting to the Daily Activities
The above questions seek to get to the root of the issue. What makes you tick, generally what you enjoy, and how you can best live a life that is authentically you.
The next phase of answering the question, what do I want in life, revolves around the daily tasks you could include in your day. Remembering, to root your answers in what is authentic to you from the above foundation. Not what society, peers, or your family expects. What you truly want from life.
1. Career
- What kind of careers would you enjoy?
- Which kind of work projects bring you the most joy?
- What values would your dream company have?
- You have to work for 40+ years in a career – what skills, industries, and projects would you want to work on that would make your decades the most enjoyable, meaningful, and fulfilling for you?
- Would you rather work as an solo-entrepreneur, in a start-up, local business, or Fortune 100 company?
2. Network and colleagues
- What kind of people do you wish to work with more?
- You get to design your dream team. Who or what kind of people are on your team?
- Who do you wish to meet?
- What colleagues do you most enjoy working with?
- What company culture resonates with you the most?
3. Side hustle
- Do you have a passion project that you want to turn into a side hustle?
4. Mindset
- Are you satisfied with your current day-to-day mindset?
- What do you value about yourself?
- If you could change one thing about your mindset, what would you improve?
5. Volunteer
- How do you want to impact your community?
- Which volunteer organization means the most to you?
6. Relationships
- Who do you want to be closer with?
- Who means the most to you?
- What kind of traits are you looking for in a life partner?
- For your friends, what about them makes you cherish them?
7. Fitness
- What is your dream weight and physical fitness routine?
- Do you have any physical fitness goals like joining an intermural sports team or running a marathon?
8. Create
- What do you wish to create in your lifetime?
9. Hobbies
- Which hobbies do you currently enjoy the most?
- What hobbies you like to investigate and learn more about?
- Which hobbies do you look forward to doing after a long day of work?
10. Travel
- Where do you want to go that’s 2 hours from where you are right now?
- What is on your dream bucket list of travel destinations?
11. Wealth
- How much is “enough” money?
- What does having an abundance mean to you?
- What are your financial goals? Why are those your goals – what do they show you value?
- If you received an extra $100,000 today, what you do with the money?
12. What scares you?
- Imagine you had to do 12 things that scared you this year. What would be on your list of tasks to accomplish?
- What have you held yourself back from doing that you know you should be doing, or think would be fun to try?
13. Fun
- What activity makes you the happiest?
- What is something new you can do this weekend?
Conclusion
By pondering the question, what do I want in life, for a few weeks or months – you can get to the root of what is authentic to you while finding daily activities that help you live that dream. While also working towards a brighter future that fills you with joy.
People are constantly striving and aiming to make their lives better. What is important is you have long-term goals that are meaningful to you, short-term goals that fill you with determination, and daily activities that challenge you and fill you with joy each day. Put together, you can sustain a pace that leads to you living the life you want while still focusing on your overall improvement.
Key Take-Aways
- By taking the time to ask hard questions, you can build a foundation of values that are authentic to you.
- With that foundation, you can better figure out your long-term, short-term, and daily goals that will sustain you with happiness.
Action item
Take the next month to work through the reflection. Re-visit questions as you must. Sit with the questions a little longer than necessary to make sure you truly have all your thoughts about the subject out.
