If you suffer from beating yourself up and being your own inner critic, you aren’t alone. Even wildly successful people beat themselves up too.
Conan O’Brien’s Podcast, Conan Needs a Friend, has been one of my recent favorite Podcasts. It is an entertainment Podcast, not with a self-development bent at all, but with my whole “need to learn from everything” mindset that I cannot turn off, I gleaned something interesting.
The Conversation about the Inner Critic
Conan was having a conversation with David Letterman about how they view their work. I transcribed the discussion below:
O’Brien: I’ve always looked at you [David Letterman] as this is the guy who has achieved anything you can have achieved. So, great buddha like contentment must come with that, and we know that is not the case.
Letterman: I wonder if there are those for who that is the case?
[They continue]
Letterman: I remember I had you over one time. We had both been on the air for a while. I invited you over and asked how the show was going, and you said, “really well, I think we have done 18 really good shows in a row.” And I said to myself, ‘oh my god, I don’t think I did 18 good shows in a year’.
O’Brien: (laughing) I think you misquoted me, and I am going to correct you now, because I remember very clearly what I said, cause I put the knife in myself…” we just did 133 shows in a row, eighteen of which I think are pretty good” and I think maybe you heard it through your filter.
Letterman: (laughing) let me apologize, I understand that equation. I know that number. I think we did six months of shows in a row, and the pressure comes from the pressure one puts on oneself.
They continue, and O’Brien describes watching Letterman’s last show. O’Brien calls it a perfect show which Letterman respondes to:
Letterman: It’s odd to hear this because it didn’t feel that way. It never did feel that way. Sometimes I thought we did a really good show, sometimes I didn’t. Most nights I felt that I had ruined it.
Being an Inner Critic is Common
Here are two titans of late-night, with a combined 58 years on TV. From being a fan of these two and seeing their work, I know it is a common theme for them. They produce episodes, year after year, and they only think a handful each season is any good. Letterman received 16 Emmy awards and 112 Emmy award nominations. Conan has won 4 Emmys and received 27 nominations. They both have had storied careers, and continue to do so, but they continually think their work is not good enough.
I know this is a common theme among high achievers. There is an effort to always be pushing harder to be better and better. It can lead to successful results, all those awards, and continual years on the air, but it can also be hard to enjoy the journey.
The Problem of Being an Inner Critic
I do not want to put words in for O’Brien and Letterman, but I know their personalities, I bet they did enjoy it some, but not as much in the moment. Through the decades they worked away and slaved over their work. Which is nothing wrong. Having passion and a work ethic are important factors of success. I think they could have enjoyed the process more. By being less self-critical and enjoying the day to day grind of the whole work, they might have less stress and anxiety along the way to their eventual success. Practicing self-kindness could have helped them more.
It is also reassuring that these two have had successful careers, and they still think the bulk of their work isn’t any good. I know many people struggle with being too self-critical, myself included. If we want our journies to our goals to be more stress-free, we need to lessen the self-critic and be grateful for the day to day grind.
Main Take-Aways
- Monumental success does not mean that you view your work any differently. There will always be something to improve.
- Instead of lamenting this fact and feeding the self-critic, enjoy the journey to the goal.
Action Item
What do you take away from this conversation? How can you ease up on your personal self-critic?
